Guilt. That is what I felt. And an overwhelming grief that I didn't even know was possible to feel until then. I wasn't numb. That was for sure.
I walked out of that ER and drove to my home knowing that my precious Peanut was gone. There was nothing I do could do to bring that sweet baby back. He had been gone now for what looked like at least a month. I was about 13 weeks pregnant, but he only measured around 6-7 weeks. No heartbeat. No hope. Just stillness. Painful, heartbreaking stillness.